i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
