Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
