i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
