What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
