I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
