I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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