I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
