I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
