yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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