Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
