I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
