All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
