I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
