It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
