if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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