Pappa wants mamma naked
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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