You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
