I never want to see another naked old woman again.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
