do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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