Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize