i think my mom watched the whole time
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
