last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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