He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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