she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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