Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
