her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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