you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
jump out the window naked night went bad
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize