Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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