"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
