Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
