She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
