check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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