Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you had me at cake vodka
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We were destined to go to rehab together
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
