do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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