foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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