what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize