I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
