Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
