flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
