dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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