so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
