I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
