forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Help. Why am I so naked?
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