I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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