I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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