you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
