nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
