i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
