mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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