god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
