I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
