Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had sex on a roof
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
