South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found puke in my bra..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
