you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
