matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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