The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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