The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
