I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
