id be glad to
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
