i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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