True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
