I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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