Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it because I queefed?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize