Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's just like the Real World with babies
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
