the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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