I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I die, sorry about rent.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
