there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
