So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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