they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
