3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
