Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tell her she can't have a vagina
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
