I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
