How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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