I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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