The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
