dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
