apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
