I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize