Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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