What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize