Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
