Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
