I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
