yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
