Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
