You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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