it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
