is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
