...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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