You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize