You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
