Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
