i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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