No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
