That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
