ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
