So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
