I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it was like eating out sand paper
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
