after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
