if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
