My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
